God bless for this few day of nothing;)
I finally caught some rest and managed to catch the up-right position in many possible ways. A bit nostalgia for my home land, sunny summers spent on my street in the middle of nowhere (especially from this point of view). The escaping point B seems to be still far behind the reach of the sight. But every journey has it's stops and u-turns. What if the earth is really round and point B is exactly above point A, so all this time is about visiting the same place a few dozen years later? Worth to think about it later on. This night I just would be give a lot for a few proper strawberries and walk between fields. I made all this way to heal my soul and now the re medium is exactly as far away as before....
good night
Saturday, 9 June 2007
Friday, 8 June 2007
The beginning
To be honest... I don't know how to start. I'd like to release some of my feeling and emotions, share them with somebody else or to make them leave a electronic footprint for my self. I'd like to say I don't care whether anyone is going to see and read it or not, but in fact I can't imagine anybody would. Er... Can You see it already? In a two first sentences... nothing but bundle of nerves.
But I started. I put my first paragraph in blog and not going to erase it. Mantra for tonight: carved-in-stone. If the use of English seems to look a bit strange, yes it's not my native and I'm still picking it up.
I have been sitting by the side of ding person bed two nights ago. For him it was the last Morning.Yo Passed away just before the sunrise. I felt almost nothing!! Good how good is to say it, to admit and don't care what somebody would think about it. I was NUMB. It was not even sympathy not to mention about empathy. I know now the physiology of dying. You stop to intake meals and fluid gradually. Your facial features starts to disappear and face become blunt. You're gasping more and fighting to breath-in. The eyes are getting look foggy and distant. You have no more strength to express any sort of interest in this world, the blood circulation is getting worse and worse delivering less and less oxygen to distant tissue in limps and brain. The end is coming with feet and fingers getting blue and cold. The breath is getting even more elaborate... I was there but couldn't take it on board. My emotions where switched off, behind solid brick-wall. I just couldn't connect to his suffering...
O.K. I let out some of my emotions. With is good. And... now I'm ready to start form the beginning.
I work as a carer in home for challenging cases of dementia. How long? Two long for me.
As an average human born to 3th planet from Sun my life wasn't easy from the very beginning, full of frustrations and disappointments. I don't like last sentence but, the rule is "carved-in-the-stone" so...
I had ambition to write a novel book from very early age. My hero was Jesus-like; lonely individual, born to save the human race, sacrifice his life to fulfill his destiny. Hmm... It sound's quite ridiculous isn't? At least when I'm witting it now. But... the Bible is the bestseller of all ages so, good example to follow.
My ideas for books and stores willing to jump out my head had evolved with time and seems to be now much more sophisticated. But... still in the. Any one has a ideas-extractor for sale or rent? ;)
I'm happy to start to write something about my self. Even such rubbish like this one. I have so many emotions to release and process... To be here at this world is the first part of the success, the next one is to notice this fact but get it means to share it with others.
But I started. I put my first paragraph in blog and not going to erase it. Mantra for tonight: carved-in-stone. If the use of English seems to look a bit strange, yes it's not my native and I'm still picking it up.
I have been sitting by the side of ding person bed two nights ago. For him it was the last Morning.Yo Passed away just before the sunrise. I felt almost nothing!! Good how good is to say it, to admit and don't care what somebody would think about it. I was NUMB. It was not even sympathy not to mention about empathy. I know now the physiology of dying. You stop to intake meals and fluid gradually. Your facial features starts to disappear and face become blunt. You're gasping more and fighting to breath-in. The eyes are getting look foggy and distant. You have no more strength to express any sort of interest in this world, the blood circulation is getting worse and worse delivering less and less oxygen to distant tissue in limps and brain. The end is coming with feet and fingers getting blue and cold. The breath is getting even more elaborate... I was there but couldn't take it on board. My emotions where switched off, behind solid brick-wall. I just couldn't connect to his suffering...
O.K. I let out some of my emotions. With is good. And... now I'm ready to start form the beginning.
I work as a carer in home for challenging cases of dementia. How long? Two long for me.
As an average human born to 3th planet from Sun my life wasn't easy from the very beginning, full of frustrations and disappointments. I don't like last sentence but, the rule is "carved-in-the-stone" so...
I had ambition to write a novel book from very early age. My hero was Jesus-like; lonely individual, born to save the human race, sacrifice his life to fulfill his destiny. Hmm... It sound's quite ridiculous isn't? At least when I'm witting it now. But... the Bible is the bestseller of all ages so, good example to follow.
My ideas for books and stores willing to jump out my head had evolved with time and seems to be now much more sophisticated. But... still in the. Any one has a ideas-extractor for sale or rent? ;)
I'm happy to start to write something about my self. Even such rubbish like this one. I have so many emotions to release and process... To be here at this world is the first part of the success, the next one is to notice this fact but get it means to share it with others.
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